my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
