i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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