Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
