none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
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duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
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You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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