I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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