I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
