So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
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