omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
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Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
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I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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