I didn't shave. On purpose
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
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