cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
