Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
