the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
