but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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