I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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