literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
