Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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