My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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