I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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