Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
