Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
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I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
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They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize