Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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