i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
