Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
grandma shit on top of the toilet
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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