Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize