Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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