i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
