he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
