im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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