i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
