The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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