Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
