You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
