forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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