About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
