Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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