Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found puke in my bra..
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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