i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
