There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
