I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
