i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
