He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
