i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
