do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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