I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
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i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
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We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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