I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
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We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
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I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
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