fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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