Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
