That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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