Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
