In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
