I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
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She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
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Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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