so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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