Life is so much better after having sex.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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