is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
