Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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