I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
