Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
