What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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