hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
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I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
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It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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