He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
