and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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