I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
