so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm too high and old for this...
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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