I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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