I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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